Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 4 "The Spoils Of War" (HBO)

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 4 “The Spoils of War” signals that Daenerys is ready to lead her armies in the field and that it helps to have a Drogon the Dragon.

But first, Arya comes home, Cersei makes friends with an Iron Bank, and one other important piece of information I won’t tell you until after the spoiler alert. Seriously, this was the first really good episode of the season, so I will keep the complaining to a minimum (thank goodness, I was about to revolt).

I have been a bit on tilt about the logic (or lack of logic) on Game of Thrones over the last few weeks. I am not going to say this episode cured me of my frustration, but it was a better episode.

Remember, if you haven't watched Season 7 Episode 2 of Game of Thrones *Spoiler Alert*

A Major Complaint (Just One): The Children of the Forest Were NOT at Dragonstone before the Targaryens

You probably just read that and asked yourself, “Self, how in the H E double hockey sticks does Josh know that?”

Well, Josh knew this because a few years ago George R. R. Martin released a very large coffee table book about the history of Westeros and not only did I read it, I wrote a series about it here on this very blog (Technically the book was written by George R.R. Martin, Elio M. Garcia Jr., and Linda Antonsson and it was called "The World of Ice and Fire: The Untold History of Westeros and The Game Of Thrones”).

Here is a picture of my copy, which is sitting next to me now.

The Children of the Forest (COTF) inhabited the vast primeval forests (mostly in the North) which is why they are connected to the trees (do you see any trees on Dragonstone?). The First Men came to Westeros and started cutting down the Children’s trees causing a long running war that resulted in the children of the forest creating the White Walkers. When the White Walkers could not be controlled, the COTF allied with the First Men to stop them (the battle for the Dawn) and ultimately helped create the wall to stop further waves of White Walkers from invading Westeros.

It was actually the Andals who drove the COTF to near extinction and tried to cut down all of their trees, but the Andals were fought off by the Northmen (which is partially why there is still a King of the North) and since the Northmen had been working with the COTF they came to revere the trees too (which is why the North worships the 7 but also the Weirwood trees).

This all happened too late for the COTF who moved beyond the wall and had been hiding there until Bran found them.

Anyway, while they were definitely living in the North, the COTF supposedly gave the night’s watch a bag of dragonglass every year and since they were never able to forge weapons, they probably had a way of finding it or mining it North of what is now the Wall.

I have never seen any reference in any of the books or in the History of Westeros to the COTF being on Dragonstone (although that is where the majority of Dragon Glass is found now. Most of the references I have read suggest that it can be found North of the Wall too and before the White Walkers were born, the COTF and the First Men lived in the North and North of the Wall (The Wall was an artificial division created to keep the White Walkers at bay).

But, even if you pretend none of that is true, for some reason Benioff and Weiss have both the COTF and the First Men fighting the Valerians on Dragonstone? The COTF and the First Men did become allies but it was to fight White Walkers in the North (which at least B&W were nice enough to represent on the cave as well) and they both fought Andals but not Valerians.

I certainly don’t remember Valerians in the North until they ruled Westeros. I could be wrong, but this seems like B&W literally rewriting the history of Westeros. This is exactly the kind of unnecessary nonsense that they do all the time and usually to no purpose except to make the entire story make less sense (sorry, I am still pretty bitter over the last 2.5 seasons since they have gone off-book and increasingly off-smart).

Okay, so Jon and Daenerys are also starting to make goo goo eyes at each other, which makes sense since Targaryens traditionally marry close relatives (If you need this explained look up my recaps from season 6 (or just google R + L = J).

Last but not least, Theon returns to Dragonstone. Jon is not thrilled (Theon basically caused Rickon and Bran to be lost and turned on the Starks turning Winterfell over to Ramsay about a million years ago).

I will assume there is a reason Theon is still alive and that eventually, he will redeem himself. He says that he wants Daenerys to help him get Yara back (which would be awesome).

Domo Arigato Bran is a Roboto

It is a bit odd that as Bran has transitioned into the three-eyed crow (or raven) that he has become so much different than the last three-eyed Raven who seemed fully cognizant of his place and able to convey emotions quite easily (he even dismisses his oldest friend Meera like he barely knows or cares about her).

For some reason, now that Bran has become “not Bran” aka the three-eyed raven, he has lost all touch with his humanity.

Luckily, I have a theory. This could have something to do with Bran being both a Warg and a Greenseer.

Often, Warg’s when they spend too much time inside an animal take on the characteristics of the creatures that they inhabit and lose touch or lose their humanity entirely. It is possible that Bran is losing his humanity and slowly becoming a human version of a Weirwood tree (not kidding, don’t be surprised if I am right on this).

The problem that is likely to arise is that Bran could make a real difference in the fight for human survival but only if he sides with the humans. If he loses his linkage to humanity, he could support the White Walkers or simply disengage from the fight entirely. I suspect that someone or something is going to have to help Bran find Bran inside the three-eyed raven and soon.

Oh, I almost forgot, Arya returned to Winterfell met Sansa and Bran and kicked Brienne’s butt in a swordfight.

This last part is significant, the show hasn’t always done a great job of explaining this but Brienne is one of the three or four best sword fighters in Westeros (especially after Jaime lost his hand). She was actually victorious in tournaments and has beaten many of the absolute best fighters of the age (including the Hound).

Arya beating Brienne suggests she is as deadly in single combat as she is as an assassin.

Also, Podrick should really be a much better swordsman after at least a year of training with Brienne.

Anyway, Benioff and Weiss said something I totally agree with in the post-show discussion, Sansa and Arya have grown up to be mature versions of exactly who they were as kids (Sansa a ruling Lady and Arya a deadly fighter). That is kind of cool.

Also, it is clear that while they are happy to see each other and probably love each other, Sansa and Arya still don’t really like each other too much.

Oh, one other thing, Littlefinger gives Bran the Valyrian steel dagger that Littlefinger used to start the war of the five kings.

Bran, being Mr. Roboto decides to give it to Arya.

Remember, Valyrian steel is one of three ways to mess with White Walkers:

• Valyrian steel

• Dragonglass

• Fire

Let’s do a quick Valyrian Steel check in Westeros:

Brienne has Jaime’s Valyrian steel blade

Jaime has Joffrey’s Valyrian steel blade (both Brienne and Jaime’s blades were made from Ned Stark’s sword Ice).

Jon Snow has the blade that belonged to Jeor Mormont who was the now deceased former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch prior to Jon.

Arya has a Valyrian steel dagger.

Randyll Tarly (Sam’s Dad) has Heartsbane (as many wise readers have already pointed out Sam stole Heartsbane, totally my oversight, thanks to everyone who commented here and in other places, apologies for being forgetful).

There have been about eight other Valyrian steel swords mentioned in the books that are not yet unaccounted for.

Okay, Enough, Let’s Get to the Battle Already

Daenerys is tired of clever plans and decides to go kill her some Lannisters.

I will suspend my complaining about how every side of this battle seems to be able to teleport magically from one end of Westeros to the other in the same time it takes the opposition to go about a quarter of the distance (how did the Dothraki get to The Reach before the Lannister's got back to King's Landing again?).

Anyway, since her Unsullied cannot get back to Dragonstone by boat (remember Euron somehow magically teleported from King’s Landing to Casterly Rock last episode), Daenerys teleports herself and the entire Dothraki horde to the Reach to catch the Lannister army before it returns to King’s Landing to clear a land route back to the Unsullied (and give Cersei a gigantic 'FU').

This, for once, actually makes sense. Deploy massive and overwhelming force where it can do the most immediate good for your cause. 

And, the Dothraki get a huge advantage because Daenerys rides Drogon the Dragon into battle.

For the most part, it is a total ass-kicking (or ass-melting?) given by the Dothraki and Drogon to the Lannisters.

But, Jaime has one ace left up his grieves and that ace's name is Bron.

Bron manages to fight his way out of like ten near deaths and then makes it to the giant crossbows and he even manages to land a bolt in Drogon’s shoulder (is it a shoulder on a dragon?).

Unfortunately for Jaime, Bron does not kill Drogon or Daenerys and for some fool reason, Jaime decides to charge Drogon on horseback.

At the last minute, either Bron or Dickon Tarly (yup, Sam’s little brother who Randall chose over Sam for inheritance) knocks Jaime into a nearby lake (where he seems to be falling and drowning not swimming his way up and out).

I will tip my cap to B&W this battle was really fun to watch all the way through.

Is This The End of Jaime Lannister?

Jaime lives.

Again, how do I know this? B&W told us in the preview when they showed Olenna telling Jaime he needs to tell Cersei that she poisoned Joffrey.

Why share that information in the preview if Jaime can’t tell anyone and nobody else knows except Jaime.

Pretty sloppy choice of preview clips fellas.

Poor Tyrion, however, was apoplectic, while he loathes Cersei and hated his Father, he loves Jaime.

Jaime was the only person in his family who has ever cared about him. It was Jaime who saved Tyrion’s life when he helped him escape King’s Landing after he murdered his Father Tywin (a fact which Cersei reminded Jaime of earlier this very season).

I wouldn’t be surprised at all if somehow Tyrion saves Jaime from his watery grave.

But I am 100% certain Jaime is alive (they even had Jaime refuse to tell Bron why he was grumpy after meeting with Olenna, it is too obvious).

Yes, I am suggesting that (perhaps) Jaime might end up helping team Dragon against team King’s Landing. I am not sure of this, but I am sure that Jaime is alive.

Perhaps the Olenna news will be used against Cersei in a critical moment?

Who knows, and the exciting thing about it, I am actually excited to find out.

Awesome.

One last important thing, now Daenerys knows about the giant crossbows, which means she can now plan to protect her dragons against them.

I suppose it is possible that Qyburn will modify them to give them wildfire tips (glass containers on the tips full of wildfire that explode on impact would be my guess).

If I get that one right, someone should send me an award.

Okay, see you next week!

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